Good Friday thoughts

I've had a curious Good Friday, leaving me with some odd questions/feelings.

This morning I went with 2 or 3 others to the Churches Together in Kidderminster Good Friday walk. As we were preparing to set off I found myself "volunteering" to carry the cross and a number of things occurred to me.

Firstly I thought that the cross I had to carry was just a little (OK, a lot) tame. The wood was lightweight and very smoothly finished. Not too big and actually quite easy to carry. And that is where my problems started. It all just seemed to nice, sterile & lightweight - it could have been worse of course - had it been on wheels (I've seen that before) I probably would have refused the job. I guess that for their purposes you'd want something that makes it easier to find a cross-carrying volunteer. I just think that's all too easy. In such litigious days it wouldn't make sense to have splintering heavy Oak - health & safety & all that.

As I started leading the procession, it occurred to me that I really wasn't worthy of such an honour. To represent Jesus in such a way with me being, well, me basically. Sure, I know that I'm made worthy through the very sacrifice I was representing, but it just felt an odd mixture of privilege, honour and maybe just a hint of feeling a fraud (emphasis on feeling, not believing).

As I was pondering this, it also occurred to me that in many ways I deserved to carry the cross. Not going to the opposite extreme, believing that I am as good as Jesus, but believing that as the cross represents death then that is what I deserve. The wages of sin is death and without the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus that is exactly what I'd deserve.