Round & round & round I go
Where I stop, God only knows
Wandering, spinning my plates in the air
Wondering if my slave-drivers ever really care
I work. And I tire
I return to my home
Bush soon rush out to do Church stuff
Just need some time alone
But why do I strive? and hurry? and rush?
Why do I not see my wife nearly enough?
If I were progressing It'd really be fine
But I'm running in circles
From ridiculous to sublime
My life breaks are failing
The cables have snapped
I see my life crashing
I feel hopelessly trapped
Trapped in a church and a job
With nowhere to go
Trapped by my "speech impediment"
I'm unable to say NO
They say I have potential
But I fear my wings have been clipped
Was it them or was it me?
I must break free soon
I see a hope
I see light
I see a better way
But it's not in my comfort zone
I fear I'll fail
I fear letting others down
- those that may be left behind
I fear disappointment
But my desire for change just will not be suppressed
I must move on
- but not let people down
I must change
- but not go back (maybe?)
I cannot carry on like this
I cannot stay the same
"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
Monday, 18 August 2008
Saturday, 26 July 2008
Faith and/in reason (delete as appropriate)
I had a nightmare journey home last Thursday, but I made the good decision to check the paper shop before heading to the station. I ended up buying a magazine I very rarely buy, the last time being at least 15-20 years ago: it was The New Scientist. I was drawn to an article or series of articles headlined as “What's wrong with reason?”. It had a heading of “seven reasons why people hate reason” inside and included Archbishop Rowan Williams as a contributor so there would be at least some non-anti-religious opinion.
This did indeed prove to be a very interesting read for the 3 hours it took to make my 20 minute journey. It was a recognition that people are steering away to some degree from science & reason and some of the reasons why. There were several honest scientists who admit that there is much wrong with “science” as it's seen by the public and the wrong done, that reason was not always reasonable and is far more limited than the early founders of the Enlightenment would have you believe. That there were & maybe still are extremes of “rationality” that are at least as extreme as any religious bigotry.
Rowan Williams said that “There was a constant risk of slipping into the conclusion... that the unreasonable human didn't count”. That this may have helped contribute toward attitudes that allowed slavery in America and post-revolution France. There needs to be something outside of “instrumental reason” to an older/pre modern rationality which puts “reasonable” into the context of community.
Another Contributor, Neuroscientist Colin Frith, put forward the idea that no-one really uses reason. Most of our computing is made sub-consciously and we then use reason to justify our decisions rather than guide them. Sociologist David Miller showed how science was abused by governments and corporations, leading to more scepticism – his article really was enlightening!
This all fits into much of what I have long thought. That Science can easily become religion, that atheism is a faith (you cannot prove God doesn't exist any more than I can prove He does) and that reason is not always reasonable. The 7th article was by philosopher Mary Midgley and was titled “Reason's just another faith”. She spoke of “scientism” as well as science – that many plausible theories are accepted as fact without absolute proof and that some believe that science can answer everything: “Science then no longer stands for enquiry but for ideology, authority, a general approach to life which demands to prevail in all conflicts: that is, it is turned into scientism.”
“The central question” she says “is about trust. In what do you put your faith?” - indeed.
This did indeed prove to be a very interesting read for the 3 hours it took to make my 20 minute journey. It was a recognition that people are steering away to some degree from science & reason and some of the reasons why. There were several honest scientists who admit that there is much wrong with “science” as it's seen by the public and the wrong done, that reason was not always reasonable and is far more limited than the early founders of the Enlightenment would have you believe. That there were & maybe still are extremes of “rationality” that are at least as extreme as any religious bigotry.
Rowan Williams said that “There was a constant risk of slipping into the conclusion... that the unreasonable human didn't count”. That this may have helped contribute toward attitudes that allowed slavery in America and post-revolution France. There needs to be something outside of “instrumental reason” to an older/pre modern rationality which puts “reasonable” into the context of community.
Another Contributor, Neuroscientist Colin Frith, put forward the idea that no-one really uses reason. Most of our computing is made sub-consciously and we then use reason to justify our decisions rather than guide them. Sociologist David Miller showed how science was abused by governments and corporations, leading to more scepticism – his article really was enlightening!
This all fits into much of what I have long thought. That Science can easily become religion, that atheism is a faith (you cannot prove God doesn't exist any more than I can prove He does) and that reason is not always reasonable. The 7th article was by philosopher Mary Midgley and was titled “Reason's just another faith”. She spoke of “scientism” as well as science – that many plausible theories are accepted as fact without absolute proof and that some believe that science can answer everything: “Science then no longer stands for enquiry but for ideology, authority, a general approach to life which demands to prevail in all conflicts: that is, it is turned into scientism.”
“The central question” she says “is about trust. In what do you put your faith?” - indeed.
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Me & the puffins
Those that know me will know that I have a liking for puffins. For watching / looking at puffins, not eating them as they don't taste that good (yes, I really have tried).
Anyhow, I've wondered for a while if there was any particular reason why and having recently returned from a puffin watching holiday, I think I've remembered at least some of the reasons. I see some areas of similarity between me & the puffin, as well as some areas of difference.
Have you ever watched a puffin take of or land? Not for them the graceful flight or powerful soaring of eagles. Take-off's appear to resemble throwing yourself off the edge of the cliff and then flapping for all you're worth. Landing appears to be stopping yourself by sticking your feet out as you hit the nearest rock or entering your burrow bottom-first. No grace, no obvious display of power or majestic swooping. The apparent throw yourself off the cliff, flap like fury to fly, land by hitting something solid to land technique quite clearly ought not to work. They're often called the clowns of the air and it's easy to see why.
I guess the reason I can associate with this is that I often feel like I'm flapping furiously, lacking graceful majesty or obvious power. As I spent an extraordinary length of time (and vast amounts of film) observing my comical friends a few years ago on the Treshnish Isles, off Mull, it occurred to me that these creatures really don't appear to belong in the sky. They just look so out of place.
I often feel as though I'm a bit of a fraud. Somehow, I do the equivalent of throwing myself off the cliff, landing by hitting solid ground, flapping like whatever in between and somehow getting away with it. I don't deserve to be where I am now. I ought to have failed far more spectacularly. I see the many greater people around, many of them good friends, and I see more eagle-like soaring and I assume (rightly or wrongly) through their greater ability or competence. Then I look at the good stuff, where I have succeeded or at least got away with it, and I wonder how on earth I've done as well as I have.
If I'm being realistic, I guess that my image of others soaring eagle-like may actually be less realistic than I imagine. But that shouldn't stop me trying. I may not be an eagle, but I could be a better puffin.
Anyhow, I've wondered for a while if there was any particular reason why and having recently returned from a puffin watching holiday, I think I've remembered at least some of the reasons. I see some areas of similarity between me & the puffin, as well as some areas of difference.
Have you ever watched a puffin take of or land? Not for them the graceful flight or powerful soaring of eagles. Take-off's appear to resemble throwing yourself off the edge of the cliff and then flapping for all you're worth. Landing appears to be stopping yourself by sticking your feet out as you hit the nearest rock or entering your burrow bottom-first. No grace, no obvious display of power or majestic swooping. The apparent throw yourself off the cliff, flap like fury to fly, land by hitting something solid to land technique quite clearly ought not to work. They're often called the clowns of the air and it's easy to see why.
I guess the reason I can associate with this is that I often feel like I'm flapping furiously, lacking graceful majesty or obvious power. As I spent an extraordinary length of time (and vast amounts of film) observing my comical friends a few years ago on the Treshnish Isles, off Mull, it occurred to me that these creatures really don't appear to belong in the sky. They just look so out of place.
I often feel as though I'm a bit of a fraud. Somehow, I do the equivalent of throwing myself off the cliff, landing by hitting solid ground, flapping like whatever in between and somehow getting away with it. I don't deserve to be where I am now. I ought to have failed far more spectacularly. I see the many greater people around, many of them good friends, and I see more eagle-like soaring and I assume (rightly or wrongly) through their greater ability or competence. Then I look at the good stuff, where I have succeeded or at least got away with it, and I wonder how on earth I've done as well as I have.
If I'm being realistic, I guess that my image of others soaring eagle-like may actually be less realistic than I imagine. But that shouldn't stop me trying. I may not be an eagle, but I could be a better puffin.
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
Friends
Life is hectic, but at last I get back to my blogging - but so much to say so little time!
I've been thinking a lot about friends recently. This was in no small part down to meeting up with an old friend that I hadn't seen since my London days, Martin Weaver. It was so good to catch up, share stories etc.
It made me realise that I really don't have many 'quality' friends where I am now. I'm a bloke, therefore I try to fool myself into thinking that I don't need close friends, but as I've taken the time to look back I've realised that there are some friendships that maybe I either didn't realise how good friends they were or how good it was to have them as friends.
I've also just finished finished reading Jeff Lucas' book "Going Public" which looks at the life of Elijah. When he looked at the relationship between Elijah and Elisha, he saw that it was as teacher/pupil, master/disciple and probably most importantly as friends. I miss that. But maybe I won't see the extent of my current 'local' friendships until I move on again.
I also got an invite to my friend Tracey-Anne's birthday bash which happens to be at the beginning of a holiday week or so. So I got to thinking that this year I will catch up with all my old friends - a kind of 'friends tour'. Some I haven't seen for 7 years or more.
If you're a friend & you don't mind/might tolerate/would like a visit from us - let us know & we'll add to our friends tour agenda.
I've been thinking a lot about friends recently. This was in no small part down to meeting up with an old friend that I hadn't seen since my London days, Martin Weaver. It was so good to catch up, share stories etc.
It made me realise that I really don't have many 'quality' friends where I am now. I'm a bloke, therefore I try to fool myself into thinking that I don't need close friends, but as I've taken the time to look back I've realised that there are some friendships that maybe I either didn't realise how good friends they were or how good it was to have them as friends.
I've also just finished finished reading Jeff Lucas' book "Going Public" which looks at the life of Elijah. When he looked at the relationship between Elijah and Elisha, he saw that it was as teacher/pupil, master/disciple and probably most importantly as friends. I miss that. But maybe I won't see the extent of my current 'local' friendships until I move on again.
I also got an invite to my friend Tracey-Anne's birthday bash which happens to be at the beginning of a holiday week or so. So I got to thinking that this year I will catch up with all my old friends - a kind of 'friends tour'. Some I haven't seen for 7 years or more.
If you're a friend & you don't mind/might tolerate/would like a visit from us - let us know & we'll add to our friends tour agenda.
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
Philosophical ramblings
I've been having a rather philosophical moment or two.
I spent today ferrying my lovely wife to Bolton for a course. Once I got back I thought that as I'd spent all day in the car, I'd walk to church for music practice. This led to one of those allegedly random encounters along the canal tow-path. There was a woman, clearly in need of assistance who asked if she needed to call an ambulance. Beside the canal was a woman clearly distressed and even more clearly wet. She'd apparently just crawled out of the canal and said she wanted to die. The ambulance was called, and being next to Tesco, I went in to get something warm for the nearly drowned woman. The ambulance was amazingly quick. They and the police were there in no time at all, with the police trying to stop the woman jumping in again.
It was reassuring to see someone stopping to help. But it also made me think of how easy it is to ignore the distressed, hurt & dying around us. The rescuer lady was clearly upset. But maybe that's OK. Maybe it's better to be vulnerable, allowing ourselves to be hurt or even have our hearts broken if the alternative is to be numb & not feel anything. Then to be able to experience real joy also. To know that you're alive.
It puts my mind back to hearing General John Gowans speaking one time. He said that what surprised him was not how few people turn to Jesus, but how many did. It seems to me that we often sell people a 'lovely' Gospel that says everything will be OK. I've also been chewing over some the other dishonest (if that's not too strong a word) stuff we say or sing.
When I were a lad, I went to a SABAC group (Salvation Army Boys Adventure Corps). There was a SABAC prayer that said:
“Lord Jesus, help me to discover you as the Way, the Truth and the Life and to find for myself that following you is the greatest adventure of all.”
We litter our songs with other such claims and yet at the same time we (and I definitely include myself in this) sanitise our faith, making it safe and easy to handle. On the other hand we also sing songs like “following Jesus is fun” which although is often true, can also be misleading.
I just hope I can continue to be the person that stops to help the distressed. Even when it makes me late for band practice. That maybe I'll even go looking for them – I know they'll be there
I spent today ferrying my lovely wife to Bolton for a course. Once I got back I thought that as I'd spent all day in the car, I'd walk to church for music practice. This led to one of those allegedly random encounters along the canal tow-path. There was a woman, clearly in need of assistance who asked if she needed to call an ambulance. Beside the canal was a woman clearly distressed and even more clearly wet. She'd apparently just crawled out of the canal and said she wanted to die. The ambulance was called, and being next to Tesco, I went in to get something warm for the nearly drowned woman. The ambulance was amazingly quick. They and the police were there in no time at all, with the police trying to stop the woman jumping in again.
It was reassuring to see someone stopping to help. But it also made me think of how easy it is to ignore the distressed, hurt & dying around us. The rescuer lady was clearly upset. But maybe that's OK. Maybe it's better to be vulnerable, allowing ourselves to be hurt or even have our hearts broken if the alternative is to be numb & not feel anything. Then to be able to experience real joy also. To know that you're alive.
It puts my mind back to hearing General John Gowans speaking one time. He said that what surprised him was not how few people turn to Jesus, but how many did. It seems to me that we often sell people a 'lovely' Gospel that says everything will be OK. I've also been chewing over some the other dishonest (if that's not too strong a word) stuff we say or sing.
When I were a lad, I went to a SABAC group (Salvation Army Boys Adventure Corps). There was a SABAC prayer that said:
“Lord Jesus, help me to discover you as the Way, the Truth and the Life and to find for myself that following you is the greatest adventure of all.”
We litter our songs with other such claims and yet at the same time we (and I definitely include myself in this) sanitise our faith, making it safe and easy to handle. On the other hand we also sing songs like “following Jesus is fun” which although is often true, can also be misleading.
I just hope I can continue to be the person that stops to help the distressed. Even when it makes me late for band practice. That maybe I'll even go looking for them – I know they'll be there
Friday, 21 March 2008
Good Friday thoughts
I've had a curious Good Friday, leaving me with some odd questions/feelings.
This morning I went with 2 or 3 others to the Churches Together in Kidderminster Good Friday walk. As we were preparing to set off I found myself "volunteering" to carry the cross and a number of things occurred to me.
Firstly I thought that the cross I had to carry was just a little (OK, a lot) tame. The wood was lightweight and very smoothly finished. Not too big and actually quite easy to carry. And that is where my problems started. It all just seemed to nice, sterile & lightweight - it could have been worse of course - had it been on wheels (I've seen that before) I probably would have refused the job. I guess that for their purposes you'd want something that makes it easier to find a cross-carrying volunteer. I just think that's all too easy. In such litigious days it wouldn't make sense to have splintering heavy Oak - health & safety & all that.
As I started leading the procession, it occurred to me that I really wasn't worthy of such an honour. To represent Jesus in such a way with me being, well, me basically. Sure, I know that I'm made worthy through the very sacrifice I was representing, but it just felt an odd mixture of privilege, honour and maybe just a hint of feeling a fraud (emphasis on feeling, not believing).
As I was pondering this, it also occurred to me that in many ways I deserved to carry the cross. Not going to the opposite extreme, believing that I am as good as Jesus, but believing that as the cross represents death then that is what I deserve. The wages of sin is death and without the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus that is exactly what I'd deserve.
This morning I went with 2 or 3 others to the Churches Together in Kidderminster Good Friday walk. As we were preparing to set off I found myself "volunteering" to carry the cross and a number of things occurred to me.
Firstly I thought that the cross I had to carry was just a little (OK, a lot) tame. The wood was lightweight and very smoothly finished. Not too big and actually quite easy to carry. And that is where my problems started. It all just seemed to nice, sterile & lightweight - it could have been worse of course - had it been on wheels (I've seen that before) I probably would have refused the job. I guess that for their purposes you'd want something that makes it easier to find a cross-carrying volunteer. I just think that's all too easy. In such litigious days it wouldn't make sense to have splintering heavy Oak - health & safety & all that.
As I started leading the procession, it occurred to me that I really wasn't worthy of such an honour. To represent Jesus in such a way with me being, well, me basically. Sure, I know that I'm made worthy through the very sacrifice I was representing, but it just felt an odd mixture of privilege, honour and maybe just a hint of feeling a fraud (emphasis on feeling, not believing).
As I was pondering this, it also occurred to me that in many ways I deserved to carry the cross. Not going to the opposite extreme, believing that I am as good as Jesus, but believing that as the cross represents death then that is what I deserve. The wages of sin is death and without the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus that is exactly what I'd deserve.
Thursday, 13 March 2008
Sheep, snakes, doves & wolves
I'm continuing with my devotional studies that I started at the beginning of the year. No books or aids other than my NASB study Bible notes. Making my way through the Gospels to look more closely at what Jesus did & said. It really has been quite interesting, to the point where I have actually kept up with it, but seem to be making very slow progress as I'm taking just a few verses, sometimes just one, at a time.
I've been finding lots of those bits that I must have read a thousand times before but never noticed until now, or seen in a completely new way. This includes Matthew 10:16 which I was looking at last night. I tend to read as much as I think will give me thoughts to write to fill a page of my A5 page-a-day diary... This was a 1 verse special
I've been finding lots of those bits that I must have read a thousand times before but never noticed until now, or seen in a completely new way. This includes Matthew 10:16 which I was looking at last night. I tend to read as much as I think will give me thoughts to write to fill a page of my A5 page-a-day diary... This was a 1 verse special
"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves."
This is not a 'new' passage - I've heard/read it many times before. But would we really be sent as sheep amongst wolves? That must surely be fatal? But maybe some of us will face a mauling in whatever way that may be? Maybe we need to be prepared to be that vulnerable?
It also looks like a heady mix of metaphors with 5 animals in 1 verse (if you have to ask about the hidden 5th animal, be prepared for typical appalling Dave Jones humour). I've often had this niggling problem with the idea of being 'shrewd as serpents'. It almost seems to imply a sneakiness which must surely be un-Godly. Especially as the serpent has such negative implications from the fall of man in Genesis. Not like dove-like innocence; that's an easy one. But giving it some real thought it seems that the shady biblical history of serpents may have skewed my word recognition.
"Shrewd: astute: marked by practical hardheaded intelligence; "a smart businessman"; "an astute tenant always reads the small print in a lease"
Shrewd is not really being sneaky like I may have assumed. Just clever or having your wits about you, but in combination with dove-like innocence.
So now that makes the sheep/wolf thing clearer - combining the serpent & dove aspects can make us less vulnerable when we go out amongst the wolves - but that won't ever make it less scary if we're doing right.
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